On my last day off, I spent half of it getting my hair done. Cut, highlighted, lowlighted. Then I rushed home to pick up my son from Pre-School. I generally look forward to a good change. I love a pedicure, a manicure (preferably with acrylic tips!), and a new lip colour. It freaking feels lovely. But at the same time, I will hastily schedule in a massage, a chiropractor appointment, etc. into my already busy work day to occur on my lunch break. Almost an afterthought. Why?
Why is using my "time off" sans family used for my appearance? When was the last time I used my day off to actually make it to a yoga class, take a hike, do something artistic? Quilt? I do not feel fulfilled having my hair cut. I like a quick change. It meets my short term needs.
When we suggest "self care" to people, why does it always involve freaking bubble baths? Aesthetics? Is it simply because I don't need to worry about asking someone to mind my child on a day I'm off work and he can go to Pre-School? Honestly, it feels like a sense of duty. Ok, this is my day to "treat myself" this month, so I better make it count. Why does "treating myself" or my "Jackie Day" need to involve my looks? Pressure to keep up, insecurity, sheer neglect all come to mind. Fitting into a feminine mindset. Not wanting to trouble family to watch my son on evenings I don't work. I wonder what it will take to shift that focus to things that might fill my bucket, help me work on my goals, and provide me actual breathing space. I'm the one creating my schedule on these days. I'm the boss of me.
Monday is my next day off. I'm spending it with my Mum. She now lives in town, and I'm so so grateful to have this day off with her. We will lunch and shop. This will fill my bucket. I would like to make an effort to journal on Monday. At least a blog post, but preferably a real, sit down, journal entry.
So many layers. Much like my new hair.
Jackie Anger is a London, Ontario doula, a mama to an amazing pre-schooler, and a kid-dude, a community advocate, and a lover of coffee.